I was once on the starting line ready to start another handicap race. I was riding with a couple of guys who were ultimate "old school". I'm talking got no teeth old school - literally!!!! One of the guys had been a very good rider in his day, but it did appear that he had lost a few marbles over the journey.
With about 1 min before we were due to start he looked at me and said "hold my bike mate". Thinking he was going to adjust his shoes or something I happily complied. But old school didn't adjust his shoes. Instead, he walked over to the grass on the side of the road, pulled his old school nicks down and proceeded to lay a giant turd. Without any type of clean up proceedure he then pulled his shorts up and returned to the line. As he took his bike from me and while I watched the steaming pile over his shoulder, he nonchalantly stated "I can shit faster than I can piss".
I have never been so psyched out in all my life, and believe me, nobody wanted to be on this guys wheel for the next 100k.
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